Ways to Annoy The Rest Of Ipswich
by Kos-Mos607
Summary: The sequel of 'Ways To Annoy The Sons Of Ipswich'. It's time to make the rest of the townsfolk crazy y'all.
1. Chapter 1

Well here it is like I promised. Reviews are love

**Ways to Annoy Sarah**

**1)** Call her a dumb blonde

**2)** Repeat until she gets mad

**3)** Make fun of her for having absolutely NO character development

**4)** Tell her she's only in the film to be the cannon love interest and to give the males in the audience something to look at while their girlfriends fantasies about the hot boys

**5)** Ship her with Kate, Aaron and Gorman until she screams

**6)** Tell her Caleb's obviously gay!

**7)** And fantasizing about Pogue

**8)** Mock her if she doesn't believe you

**9)** Tell blonde jokes whenever she's around

**10)** Make Chase cast spider spells on her constantly (Hey, we finally found a use for him.)

**11)** Smack her rapidly and when she demands to know why say "That's for starting the Mary-Sue fan wave"

**12)** Sick Caleb's fangirls on her (Charge!)

**13)** Tell her to put some fucking clothes on unless she wants to be stereotyped as a hoe

**14)** Steal Caleb's Mustang and run her over with it

**15)** Make fun of the tattoo on her back disappearing and then reappearing every other scene

**16)** Use play-by-play angles to prove it. "Now you see it, now you don't."

**17)** Make a voodoo doll of her and give it to Chase as present

**18)** Tell him to 'Be Creative!" with it

**19)** Slash Caleb with everyone and their brother and make her read your fics

**20)** Go into long detail during the Smex parts

**21)** Give Caleb the wrong directions to Putnum barn when he's suppose to save her

**22)** Send Gorman instead

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Hopefully I haven't lost my touch...


	2. Chapter 2

I needed a break from The Crimson Ritual

**Ways To Annoy Kate**

**1)** Call her princess none stop

**2)** Then ask her to get you a beer repeatedly.

**3)** Flirt with Pogue every chance you get

**4)** Make Chase cast 'creation' spells on her whenever he has a free minute (We found another use for him ladies and gentlemen!)

**5)** Tell her you know what REALLY happened when Chase and her went to the movies

**6)** Then bring up the fact that her and Chase would make a cute couple

**7)** Constantly drop hints that Pogue's gay

**8)** Laugh madly when she doesn't believe you

**9)** Call her a drama queen whenever she bitches

**10)** Tell her to put some fucking clothes on when she's walking around in her underwear

**11)** Ship her with Sarah so you can have Pogue all to yourself

**12)** Set her up on a blind date with Chase

**13)** Record it and send the video to 'Blind Date'

**14)** Have Pogue help you think of smart-ass captions to use

**15)** Steal Gorman's pimp cane and whack her with it when she gets annoying

**16)** Write a love note to Aaron and sign her name

**17)** Throw her to the Mary Sues and let them rip her apart for being such a bitch to Pogue in the movie

**18)** While the ladies have their fun, steal Pogue and run away with him

**19)** Snag Caleb on the way and lock them in a room together

**20)** Don't let them out until there's some serious NC-17 SMEXING going on

**21)** Use a cattle prod if you have to

**22)** Write about it and post it for all of us to read


	3. Chapter 3

Been waiting a loooong time to do this one. LOL

**Ways to Annoy Gorman**

**1)** Call him a pimp

**2)** Make up pimp names for him like "Papa G" and "Mack Daddy Oldie"

**3)** Then while he's annoyed, run off with the boys and call them 'Your Hoes'

**4)** Ask him repeatedly if he has powers like the boys do

**5)** If he says yes, demand to see them

**6)** Steal his pimp cane and whack the boys with it

**7)** Tell him you know about him and William and wink evilly.

**8)** Call him Spock all the time

**9)** Accuse him of being Caleb's REAL father and demand a DNA test

**10)** Then deny it later on the grounds of him not being attractive enough to be Caleb's father

**11)** Constantly refer to him as the male Nanny McFee and ask him to bang his stick on the ground

**12)** Knit him things, really horrible, awful things and insist he's wears them

**13)** Cry when he doesn't

**14)** Ding-dong-ditch his house whenever you have a free minute

**15)** Insist he's Lord Voldemort in disguise and call the Ministry of Magic on him

**16)** Ship him with the boys and make him read your work

**17)** Laugh your ass off if he appears interested

**18)** Pinch him for no apparent reason and pretend it wasn't you

**19)** Buy him some _heavy_ bling-bling and make him wear it all the time until he falls over

**20)** Insist he's only in the movie because the director was forced to add some actual plot development by giving Caleb a mentor.

**21)** Tell him there's going to be a Covenant sequel and laugh at his groan

**22)** Make him read The Crimson Ritual and join him in a victory dance when he realizes how much ass he kicks in it.

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Okay I really don't know who I should annoy next, any ideas?


	4. Chapter 4

Since everyone and their mother voted for him...

**Ways to Annoy Aaron**

**1)** Call him a jerk every three seconds

**2)** Refuse to answer why

**3)** Make Chase mock him about his "Small Size" repeatedly

**4)** Then accuse them both of flirting and run away laughing

**5)** Tell him you know the REAL reason why he picks fights with Caleb and wink evilly.

**6)** Tease him about his hair whenever you have a free minute "Who are you trying to be, Pogue? LOL"

**7)** Set him and Caleb on a blind date

**8)** Then for a laugh, get them drunk

**9)** Videotape any "Boy Touching" moments and show it to them the next day

**10)** Ask him where the hot, sexy vampire fangs went (A cookie to whoever get's that one)

**11)** Cough and grunt the word "Homo" every chance you get until he screams

**12)** When he gets mad, shrug and pretend not to know what he's bitching about

**13)** Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars when he's good

**14)** Get the song "I Touch Myself" stuck in his head

**15)** Then have Chase bewitch him so he sings it out loud

**16)** Whack him on the back of the head and scream 'Bee' every few seconds.

**17)** Follow a short ways behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant

**18)** When he asks why, pop back with "What, I don't know where you've been"

**19)** Then reply with "Oh wait, yeah I do. No wonder Chase is walking funny"

**20)** Pair him up with Sarah and run off with Caleb

**21)** Laugh when he brings her back a moment later and bitches about her not shutting up

**22)** Scream when he runs off with Caleb and leaves you with Sarah


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn't really decide who to annoy next so I made it an even split between Caleb's parents **  
**

**Ways to Annoy William**

**1)** Call him Mac Daddy

**2)** Poke him with a stick while he's sitting in his chair

**3)** Make him read The Crimson Ritual completely

**4)** Run away when he reads the sex scene between his son and Pogue

**5)** Accuse him of having an affair with Gorman

**6)** Stare at him for a long time

**7)** When he gets mad and demands to know why scream "Holy shit, it moves!"

**8)** Paint the rooms of the colony house a happy, pink color

**9)** Say it matches his aura and laugh evilly

**10)** Call him Johnny Cash and demand he sings you a song (Seriously, look at his picture in Caleb's house)

**11)** Constantly work the phrases "Buy the farm", "Kick the bucket" and "Pushing up daises" in your conversations with him

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**Ways to Annoy Evelyn**

**1)** Send her to AA

**2)** While she's there, steal her stash and give it to me 'cause most of you are underage

**3)** Tell her you know the REAL reason William stays at the colony house and wink evilly

**4)** Ask her how the fark she runs in those heals at the end of the movie

**5)** Smack her for approving of Sarah

**6)** Then smack her again for instantly loving all of the Mary Sues Caleb brings home

**7)** Deadbolt her door and unplug the phone to keep her from calling any distant relatives and asking if their daughters could stay for the summer

**8)** Tell her she REALLY needs to get off her arse and re-decorate the house

**9)** Ask her what brand of Eyeliner she used and send the name to me 'cause I like the crying EMO look

**10)** Call her a goth

**11)** Make her read "The Shinning" and point out comparisons between her, Caleb and William…. Nah, that's TOO mean.

**12)** Introduce her to Ken Titus

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I'm in serious need of Beta readers, please. The more the better! (Read my page for more info)


	6. Chapter 6

I do believe I've reached the end of the road with this one...

**Ways to Annoy Kira**

**1)** Call her a bitch

**2)** Repeat number 1 as much as possible

**3)** Tell her Aaron's obviously gay 'cause he eye-fucks Caleb like there's no tomorrow

**4)** And Chase

**5)** Mock her in a high pitched voice whenever she talks

**6)** Ship her with Sarah or Kate 'cause they're like perfect for each other you know

**7)** Sing "Barbie Girl" at the top of your lungs horribly

**8)** Smack her and yell "That's for all of the Mary-Sue siblings you have!"

**9)** Prank call her every night

**10)** Tell her she looks old

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**Ways to Annoy Bordy**

**1)** Ignore him; it's easy enough to do

**2)** Tease him about his tiny screen time ( Seriously, one line. That's the highlight of his career)

**3)** Tell him he needs to hold his liquor better

**4)** Mimic Ken Tidus and call him a "Wussy"

**5)** Give him his own story line and slash him with Gorman

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**Ways to Annoy Nicky**

**1)** Start a fight in his bar

**2)** Ask where the hell the beer is 'cause all of these kids aren't there just for the foosball

**3)** Make him grill up 20 burgers and run away and hide when they're done

**4)** Drive around his bar and make siren sounds

**5)** Steal his bat and beat Sarah and Kate with it

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Finally I'm done with this one. But have no fear my wonderful fans, I will keep doing Covenant humor but I'm moving "Ways to Annoy" to another fandom. I'm thinking 300 so keep an eye out for it. Thanks for reading and I hope I made you laugh.


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